The Socio-Psychogenesis of Suicide in Kota: A Psychologist’s Reflections
As a psychologist working in Kota, I am deeply immersed in the lives of students who come to this city, carrying the weight of countless expectations. These young individuals, often between the ages of 15 and 23, leave their families and familiar surroundings to prepare for some of India’s most competitive entrance exams, such as JEE and NEET. While some of their stories are inspiring, they are also profoundly tragic, as many buckle under immense pressure. The alarming rate of student suicides in Kota is a manifestation of a complex web of social, familial, systemic, and individual factors.
Sitting across from these students in counselling and therapy sessions, I often hear narratives tinged with anxiety, despair, and hopelessness. The emotional toll they endure is palpable, and while their pain is immediate, the causes of their struggles run deep into the structures of our education system, societal values, and familial expectations.
The Burden of Student Responsibility
It is easy for people to point fingers at students themselves, blaming their inability to cope or labelling them as too fragile to handle challenges. However, such simplifications only serve to absolve others of their responsibility. These adolescents, still developing emotionally and psychologically, are thrust into an unforgiving environment where their worth is measured solely by ranks and results.
In counselling sessions, I have often reflected on a fundamental issue: many students do not know why they are here. They come to Kota with dreams of clearing the JEE or NEET exams, not because they genuinely aspire to be engineers or doctors, but because societal and familial pressures have convinced them that these professions are the only path to a prosperous and meaningful life. But is this “knowing” genuine? True knowing involves an internal sense of purpose and clarity, not the blind acceptance of external expectations. Without this inner sense of direction, their journey becomes one of constant self-doubt and despair, compounding the pressures they already face.
As much as I try to help them reframe these thoughts, I cannot ignore the systemic and societal factors that reinforce these beliefs. It is not the students who fail but the environment around them that sets them up for such profound despair.
Families and the Unyielding Weight of Expectations
In many cases, parents and other family members play a critical role in shaping the pressures their children feel. Kota is not just a city for these families; it is a beacon of hope and aspiration. Parents often see the city as a means to secure their children’s futures, investing substantial financial resources to enroll them in renowned coaching institutes. This investment is not merely monetary but also emotional.
Many parents approach this journey with good intentions, wanting the best for their children. Yet, these intentions often morph into overwhelming expectations. In my conversations with students, I hear them speak about their parents’ sacrifices—selling land, taking loans, or foregoing personal comforts—all to fund their education in Kota. These sacrifices, while commendable, place an unbearable burden on the child to succeed.
Students often mention, “I feel like I am living my parents’ dream, not mine. If I fail, I will ruin their lives.” These words stayed with me, highlighting how the pressure to succeed is often about fulfilling familial aspirations rather than personal ambitions.
In many families, there is also an emotional disconnect. Parents, preoccupied with the financial and logistical demands of this journey, may not recognize the psychological struggles their children face. Mental health is still a taboo topic in many Indian households, and students are often discouraged from expressing vulnerability. When they do speak up, they may be met with dismissive comments like “Just focus on your studies” or “Everyone else is managing, why can’t you?”
Society’s Unyielding Standards
Beyond the family, societal expectations amplify the pressure students feel. In India, success is narrowly defined by a few prestigious professions, particularly in engineering and medicine. Society places an almost mythical value on securing admission to institutions like IITs and AIIMS, equating this achievement with intelligence, respectability, and upward mobility.
The societal obsession with these professions creates a culture of hyper-competitiveness, where students are judged not only by their results but also by their ability to surpass their peers. This relentless comparison erodes their self-esteem and fosters a toxic environment where failure is stigmatized.
In my work, I have seen how societal judgment seeps into the psyche of students. They fear not only their own disappointment but also the shame they believe their families will endure if they fail. Students said, “If I don’t get a good rank, my neighbours will say my parents wasted their money. I can’t let that happen.” This external judgment adds an unbearable layer of stress to an already overwhelming situation.
The Role of the Coaching Industry and Education System
The education system and coaching industry are central to the pressures students face. Kota’s reputation as a coaching hub is both its greatest strength and its greatest weakness. On one hand, the city offers unparalleled resources and expertise for competitive exam preparation. On the other hand, it fosters a culture that prioritizes results over well-being.
Coaching institutes operate like factories, churning out toppers to enhance their reputations. Students are subjected to gruelling schedules, often studying for 12–14 hours a day. The emphasis is solely on academic performance, with little attention paid to their mental or emotional health.
I have visited these institutes and spoken with faculty members, and while many express concern for their students, the structure of the system leaves little room for compassion. Mock tests, rankings, and cutthroat competition dominate the landscape, creating an environment where students feel like mere numbers.
The education system also bears responsibility. India’s focus on high-stakes exams creates an atmosphere of scarcity, where securing a limited number of seats in prestigious institutions becomes a do-or-die situation. This scarcity fuels the coaching industry’s growth while neglecting the broader question of how education should serve the holistic development of individuals.
The State’s Apathy
The role of the state in this crisis is both glaring and appalling. Despite the well-documented pressures faced by students in Kota, there is a severe lack of mental health infrastructure in the city. There are too few counselors and psychologists to address the needs of the tens of thousands of students who come here every year.
Moreover, the state’s failure to regulate coaching institutes allows these organizations to prioritize profits over student welfare. There is little accountability for how these institutes operate or the impact they have on students’ mental health.
Government initiatives to promote mental health awareness often remain superficial, failing to address the systemic issues that drive students to despair. As a psychologist, I often feel like I am working in isolation, trying to put out fires in an environment that constantly fans the flames.
A Culture of Silence
One of the most heartbreaking aspects of this crisis is the culture of silence surrounding it. Families, coaching institutes, and society at large often avoid addressing the issue of student suicides, treating them as isolated incidents rather than symptoms of a systemic problem.
When suicides do occur, the narrative often shifts to blame the individual student for their perceived weakness, ignoring the broader structures that contributed to their despair. This refusal to engage with the root causes perpetuates the cycle of pressure and tragedy.
Personal Reflections
As a psychologist, I carry the weight of these stories with me long after the counseling sessions end. I have seen students break down, sharing their fears and vulnerabilities in ways they cannot with their families or peers. Each story is a reminder of the immense challenges they face and the urgent need for systemic change.
There have been moments of hope, too—instances where a student begins to see their worth beyond academic results, or where a parent starts to understand the importance of emotional support. These moments keep me going, but they also highlight how much work remains to be done.
In Kota, the lives of students hang in a delicate balance between hope and despair. They come here with dreams, but too many leave as cautionary tales. This city, and the systems that support it, must reckon with the human cost of its success. Only then can we hope to create an environment where students can thrive not just academically but as whole, resilient individuals.
This issue is deeply personal to me, not only because of the work I do but because I see in these students a reflection of our collective values and priorities. Their struggles are a mirror to our society, urging us to confront uncomfortable truths and take responsibility for the environments we create. It is not just their dreams that are at stake but their lives—and that demands nothing less than our full attention and commitment.
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The Essence of Psychology and Psychotherapy: A Deep Dive into Human Connection and Understanding
Psychology and psychotherapy, at their core, are about understanding the intricacies of the human mind, emotions, and behaviors. The essence of these fields lies in the deep, often transformative relationships between therapist and client, where healing and growth occur through exploration, insight, and connection. From the pioneering ideas of Sigmund Freud to the evolving theories of relational psychoanalysis, the heart of psychology has always been about more than just symptom relief—it’s about fostering genuine human understanding.
Freud and the Birth of Psychoanalysis
Sigmund Freud, often regarded as the father of psychoanalysis, revolutionized the way we think about the mind and therapy. His concept of the unconscious mind—where repressed thoughts, memories, and desires reside—opened up new avenues for understanding human behavior. Freud’s idea of transference, where clients project feelings about significant figures in their lives onto the therapist, highlighted the importance of the therapeutic relationship. This relationship, Freud argued, was the vessel through which unconscious conflicts could be brought to the surface, understood, and resolved.
Freud’s focus on the therapeutic relationship laid the groundwork for future developments in psychology. He recognized that therapy was not just about intellectual understanding but about emotional experiences and the dynamic interplay between therapist and client. This relational aspect is a cornerstone of modern psychotherapy.
The Evolution of Relational Psychoanalysis
Building on Freud’s foundational work, relational psychoanalysis emerged as a significant force in contemporary therapy. This approach, championed by thinkers like Stephen Mitchell and Jessica Benjamin, shifted the focus from the isolated mind of the individual to the interactions and relationships that shape a person’s psyche. Relational psychoanalysis posits that our sense of self is formed and continually reshaped through our relationships with others.
In relational psychoanalysis, the therapist-client relationship is seen as a microcosm of the client’s broader relational patterns. The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a space where new, healthier patterns can be explored and enacted. Unlike traditional psychoanalysis, which might focus on the therapist as a neutral observer, relational psychoanalysis views the therapist as an active participant in the therapeutic process. The mutual influence between therapist and client is acknowledged and utilized as a tool for change.
This perspective emphasizes that healing occurs not just through insight into past experiences but through the experience of a different kind of relationship within therapy—one that is authentic, validating, and empowering. The therapist’s genuine engagement, empathy, and responsiveness are crucial in creating a space where the client can explore their vulnerabilities, fears, and desires.
The Broader Field of Psychotherapy: Diverse Approaches, Unified Goals
Beyond psychoanalysis, various other schools of thought have contributed to the understanding of the therapeutic process. Humanistic psychologists like Carl Rogers emphasized the importance of unconditional positive regard, empathy, and genuineness in therapy. Rogers believed that for clients to grow and heal, they needed to feel deeply understood and accepted by their therapist. His person-centered approach underscored the idea that the therapeutic relationship itself is a powerful agent of change.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), while often seen as more structured and goal-oriented, also recognizes the importance of the therapeutic alliance. Studies have shown that the quality of the relationship between therapist and client significantly influences outcomes, even in more directive therapies like CBT. The trust and collaboration between client and therapist create a foundation for effective intervention, regardless of the specific techniques used.
The Essence of Therapy: Connection, Understanding, and Growth
At its essence, psychology and psychotherapy are about connection—connecting with oneself, with others, and with deeper truths about the human experience. The therapeutic relationship is a space where clients can explore who they are, how they relate to others, and how they can grow and change. This relationship is not just a means to an end; it is an end in itself, a vital part of the healing process.
In a world that often prioritizes quick fixes and measurable outcomes, it’s crucial to remember the deeper purpose of therapy. The true essence of psychology is not in symptom reduction alone but in fostering a journey of self-discovery, growth, and transformation. It’s about helping people understand themselves more deeply, connect more authentically with others, and live more meaningful lives.
Relational Psychoanalysis: A New Paradigm for Understanding
Relational psychoanalysis offers a unique lens through which to view the therapeutic process. It challenges the notion of the therapist as a detached expert and instead positions them as a co-participant in the therapeutic journey. This approach recognizes that both therapist and client bring their histories, biases, and relational patterns into the therapy room, and that these dynamics play a crucial role in the process of change.
The relational approach also highlights the importance of power dynamics in therapy. It acknowledges that the therapist, by virtue of their role, holds power in the relationship, but it also emphasizes the need for the therapist to be aware of this power and to use it responsibly. By fostering a collaborative, egalitarian relationship, the therapist can create a space where the client feels empowered to explore and transform their relational patterns.
Conclusion: Reclaiming the Essence of Psychology
In today’s fast-paced, outcome-driven world, it’s easy to lose sight of the true essence of psychology and psychotherapy. But the work of Freud, Rogers, and the pioneers of relational psychoanalysis reminds us that the heart of therapy lies in the relationship between therapist and client. It’s in this relationship that healing, growth, and transformation occur.
As we move forward in the field of psychology, it’s essential to hold onto these core values. Therapy should not be reduced to a set of techniques or quick fixes; it should be a space where genuine human connection and understanding take place. By prioritizing the therapeutic relationship, we honor the true essence of psychology—a field dedicated to helping people live fuller, more meaningful lives.
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