Why Do We Always Push Ourselves Beyond Our Limits?
In today’s fast-paced world, the pressure to push ourselves beyond our limits feels almost unavoidable. From work deadlines to personal goals, the expectation to do more, achieve faster, and be better is everywhere. Social media highlights success stories, while corporate culture rewards non-stop productivity. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that slowing down means falling behind.
But what drives this relentless push? Is it ambition, societal pressure, or something deeper within us? Beyond the surface of daily hustle lies a psychological landscape shaped by early life experiences, societal expectations, and our need for connection and validation. Understanding why we push ourselves—and at what cost—requires exploring these forces. Why do we find it so hard to rest, to say “enough,” and to accept our limits as humans? The answer lies not just in what the world demands of us but in what we unconsciously demand from ourselves.
The Modern World’s Relationship with Limits
Our current relationship with limits is deeply influenced by modern societal values rooted in productivity and achievement. The industrial and technological revolutions, which promised to free us from toil through machines and automation, ironically reshaped how we perceive time and worth. With the rise of machine intelligence, many hoped that humanity would finally have more leisure and rest. But instead, technological progress has intensified the demand for constant availability, efficiency, and output.
What was once human is now measured in mechanical terms: output, performance, and productivity. We internalize this, seeing rest as a failure rather than a necessity. To stop or slow down feels like falling behind, as if being human—with our emotional needs, exhaustion, and limitations—is inherently flawed. In a world that runs on speed and production, being bound by human limits feels like being left behind.
The Psychological Roots of Overextension
From a psychoanalytic perspective, the compulsion to push ourselves stems from unconscious emotional drives often formed in early relationships. Our personal histories shape how we relate to success, failure, and self-worth. Many of us internalize expectations from caregivers, teachers, or societal messages, which later manifest in adult life as a need to overachieve.
For example, a child whose value was recognized only through accomplishments might grow into an adult driven by perfectionism, seeking validation through endless productivity. This adult might struggle with feelings of worthlessness unless they are constantly achieving, as though rest invalidates their existence. Similarly, someone who faced instability in early life may believe that control over work and success can compensate for earlier helplessness.
Psychoanalysis also emphasizes the role of unconscious guilt. Many people unknowingly believe they must “earn” rest or joy. They feel guilty when they are not working or accomplishing something tangible, as if stopping threatens their self-worth. This dynamic is reinforced by a society that glorifies hustle and views vulnerability or stillness as weakness.
The Relational Impact of Ignoring Limits
The consequences of ignoring personal limits extend beyond the individual, affecting relationships in profound ways. When people are constantly pushing themselves, they have little energy left for emotional intimacy or meaningful connection. They may become emotionally distant, irritable, or consumed by work, leaving partners, friends, and family feeling neglected or secondary.
Moreover, pushing beyond limits can create unconscious relational conflicts. When one partner in a relationship overworks or strives excessively, they may expect the same level of sacrifice from the other, fostering resentment or feelings of inadequacy. Relationships become transactional, based on productivity rather than emotional presence.
There is also a subtle societal competition in how people discuss being “busy” or “stressed.” It’s almost a badge of honor—a way of saying, “I’m important because I’m constantly needed.” This creates a cycle where being busy becomes a status symbol, making it even harder to honor limits without feeling left behind or insignificant.
The Need to Reclaim Our Humanity
To honor our limits is to reclaim what it means to be human. We are not machines designed for endless production; we are emotional, relational beings whose worth cannot be measured by how much we accomplish. Limits are not flaws to overcome—they are reminders that we exist within a natural rhythm of effort and rest, work and reflection, giving and receiving.
Relational psychoanalysis reminds us that healing comes from being truly seen and accepted, not for what we do but for who we are. Just as a therapist offers unconditional acceptance to a client, we must learn to extend the same compassion to ourselves. Recognizing our limits allows us to reconnect with ourselves and others from a place of authenticity, rather than performance.
In the words of psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, “It is a joy to be hidden, and a disaster not to be found.” This statement underscores the need for rest, solitude, and being known beyond what we can produce. Allowing ourselves to be “hidden”—to pause, to breathe—doesn’t make us weak. It allows us to be found again by others and, most importantly, by ourselves.
The limits we push against are often the very boundaries that preserve our humanity. Acknowledging them doesn’t mean giving up; it means embracing the fullness of life—its highs and lows, its action and rest. We are not infinite, and that is not a limitation. It is what makes us beautifully, imperfectly human.
Learn More
Subversion of Women in Indian Society: A Mask of Patriarchy Hidden in Jokes
In Indian society, patriarchy is woven deeply into the fabric of family structures, social institutions, and everyday life. Men have long used subtle and overt means to subvert women’s voices and expressions, maintaining dominance in ways that are both glaring and insidious. Feminist scholars have extensively explored the ways men subordinate women, laying bare the various strategies through which patriarchy manifests in homes, workplaces, and public spaces. Their research has illuminated how men exercise control over women, often by silencing, restricting, and infantilising them. As I delved into these academic works, I gained a nuanced understanding of the pervasive nature of gender inequality.
However, what perplexes me is how different the reality feels when I visit my village or observe casual family interactions, particularly in the media and pop culture. In spaces that are far removed from the scholarly lens, the narrative often shifts to one of supposed female dominance, particularly that of wives over their husbands. Television shows, comedy skits, and even personal conversations are replete with jokes about husbands being “emasculated” or controlled by their wives. There’s an oddly prevalent theme of wives holding superiority over their husbands, a form of playful banter that suggests women wield more power within the family dynamic than men. The reality, however, couldn’t be further from the truth.
The Disconnect Between Academia and Popular Culture
The contrast between what feminist scholars reveal and what everyday jokes portray is striking. In academic discourse, women’s oppression is well-documented and analysed. Books on subversion detail how women are silenced, subjected to patriarchal norms, and deprived of autonomy. Yet, when I step outside of academia and into the living rooms of families or watch a popular family comedy, I notice a radically different narrative—one that seems to reverse these roles. There is a near-constant joke, not about male superiority, but rather about how husbands are “henpecked,” submissive, or even afraid of their wives.
This discourse of women’s dominance, particularly of wives over husbands, exists as a form of comedic relief in Indian society. There are countless jokes about the “power” of women over their husbands, presenting wives as the real decision-makers and husbands as figures who comply with their demands. It’s easy to get confused by this duality. Are men truly acknowledging the dominance of women in some spheres, or is there something more complex at play?
A Psychological and Societal Compensatory Mechanism
After reflecting deeply on this contradiction, I came to realise that these jokes about the superiority of wives are not reflections of reality but rather a compensatory mechanism deployed by men. In private, men often subvert women in various ways, asserting dominance in the domestic sphere through control over finances, decision-making, and personal freedoms. In many cases, this subversion is subtle yet powerful—women are not allowed to express themselves freely, and their choices are shaped by the men in their lives. But, when it comes to publicly acknowledging this inequality, men cleverly deflect attention by making light-hearted jokes about their supposed submission to women.
This, I believe, is a psychological tactic. By positioning themselves as the ones being dominated in public discourse—albeit through jokes—men can maintain the illusion that all is well in the patriarchal structure. The propagation of this narrative allows them to avoid the uncomfortable truth of their own subversive behaviour. By laughing off the idea of wives dominating their husbands, men soothe their own consciences. It creates a false sense of balance—”Yes, we dominate, but women dominate us too!”—thus avoiding any real reflection on the deep-seated inequities that continue to exist.
The Role of Women in This Narrative
What’s even more intriguing is that women, too, often participate in these narratives. Many women, especially wives, seem to enjoy the public recognition that they “control” their husbands, finding some sense of empowerment in these jokes. It’s not uncommon for women to laugh along or even fuel these narratives, perhaps because, in a society where their actual power is so limited, this symbolic gesture of superiority offers some small comfort. However, this sense of control is purely superficial. It distracts from the very real ways in which women are oppressed. The supposed dominance of wives over husbands in jokes does little to change the realities of patriarchal control that operates behind closed doors.
In fact, this is precisely how patriarchy protects itself. Allowing this narrative to exist maintains the façade that power dynamics between men and women are more equal than they truly are. It allows both men and women to feel that there’s nothing wrong with the structure—after all, wives seem to be in control, right? But this “control” is illusory. The societal order remains untouched, and the underlying patriarchal mechanisms continue to operate smoothly, reinforced by the very jokes that seem to subvert them.
The Subversive Power of Jokes in Indian Society
In this way, humour becomes a tool for maintaining the status quo. By constantly repeating these jokes, society creates a shared understanding that women, particularly wives, hold some level of power over their husbands. This narrative serves as a protective veil for men, masking their subversive behaviour in the domestic sphere and allowing them to evade accountability. These jokes do not threaten the patriarchal structure; instead, they reinforce it by offering a superficial counterbalance to the very real subjugation women experience.
In conclusion, the subversion of women in Indian society is a complex and multifaceted process. Men dominate, bully, and silence women in countless ways, but they smartly turn the narrative into public by claiming a kind of victimhood masked in humour. This unique form of subversion allows both individuals and the broader societal structure to avoid confronting the ugly truths of patriarchy, enabling its continued existence under the guise of balance. Women’s subordination remains deeply ingrained despite these narratives of superficial female superiority. Understanding this duality is crucial if we are to challenge the deep-rooted patriarchal norms that persist in Indian society.
Learn More